Not My Child...

I follow a blog where the mother does a 'Not Me Mondays' post on her blog each Monday. The idea behind it is to post things that have actually happened to her during the week prior, but the posting is styled as if it didn't happen to her. For example, 'I most certainly did not fall down the escalator at the mall' when in reality she did.

So this posting is like that, but it is about Caden.

Each afternoon after picking him up and getting him home, I let him walk with me in the sun room to let the dogs go outside. While they are outside I fill up their bowls with food and water. I then go and change clothes, take my jewelry off, etc...while Caden is watching cartoons or busying himself playing with toys.

Well yesterday MY CHILD MOST CERTAINLY DID NOT GRAB A HANDFUL OF DOG FOOD AND START TOWARD HIS MOUTH WITH IT. Not my child. Had he done this, I would have probably just yelled like I were being attacked in a parking garage alone! I may have said, 'NOOOOOOOOOOOO CADEN!!!!' and he probably would have dropped all the dog food from his hands and poked his lip out like he was going to start crying! Then-had this happened-I might have said, 'Hey punkin! Can you open your mouth and let Mommy see your toothies?' in a sing-song-psycho-trying to be calm-Mommy voice. Had all of that happened, I would have noticed that this handful I saw was the first handful of food and not second, so we would have been safe!

So, if all that dog food stuff really did happen, after that, I may have walked in the living room to find that MY CHILD MOST CERTAINLY DID NOT HAVE THE KEY TO THE GAS FIREPLACE IN THE KEYHOLE TURNING IT WHILE LAUGHING! Had this happened, again back to the (yelling as though I were being attacked in a parking garage) probably would have occurred! At which point my child may have come running to me (let's say) on his tipey toes with the key in his outstretched hand perhaps saying 'Uh Oh!'

And if all the above actually happened, would you believe that while changing his diaper later in the evening, MY CHILD MOST CERTAINLY DID NOT HAVE A RAVIOLI SHOVED DOWN HIS DIAPER EITHER? I mean, really, these stories are totally not related to Caden...NOT MY CHILD!