Not My Child!

It has been a while since I have posted a 'Not My Child' post on the blog so I came up with a recent list of stories that I am sure qualifies! (Names have been omitted to protect the innocent; except for my son's name.)

*If you are not a parent you may not appreciate these stories. However, if you are, I'm sure you probably have a few you could share with the class as well!*

1. This past weekend we were in Conroe for the kiddos' birthday party and mine as well. While at Caden's cousin's house (or someones house), my son and this girl cousin were playing upstairs in the little girl's room. This little girl has a play kitchen and they were whipping up something delicious I'm sure. While the adults were downstairs talking, this above-mentioned, 'little girl' came down the stairs with a spoon and she was all smiles. Caden's Aunt said, 'What is that?' The little girl said, 'Poo Poo.' The Aunt said, 'What?!' and looked and sure enough it was. The Aunt asked the girl 'Whose is that?' The little girl replied, 'Caden's.' We looked upstairs and Caden was smiling. The grandmother went upstairs to investigate and asked the little girl where she got it and she pointed to the ground and told the grandmother she picked it up with the spoon. My son had 'gone' but we think that particular part just fell out as my son had nothing on his hands! (Can't wait to share this one with his future wife!)

2.Caden is pretty much fully potty trained with regard to #1. (just so ya know!) Last week Caden and I were in XYZ Pool Store (name changed) buying some pool floats. We had just left the gym and I asked Caden if he needed to go potty before we went to look at floats. He said no so we were now shopping for floats. I paid for the floats and walked around the store looking for Caden. I walked up and he was sitting on the floor playing with his car-IN A PUDDLE OF TEE TEE! I said, 'Caden! Come on we have to go!' Caden said, 'But I tee tee...' 'I know, come on! Let's go!' So I'm sorry XYZ Pool Store, but I was too embarrassed to call to your employee's attention the puddle of pee my son left for you near the Polaris display and I'm sure you all have the carpets cleaned regularly and if you don't you should!!

3.We as parents always have those moments when we wish our children had filters on their mouths! Caden and I were in Kroger last week and there was a guy in the aisle that was stocking the shelves. He was not all there (let's just say) and I have seen him before and he is always overly friendly. No complaints from me, he's a great guy. HOWEVER, as he was stocking shelves he saw Caden in the cart and turned and loudly said to Caden, 'HEY! HOW ARE YOU?' Caden whipped his head around and looked at me and said, 'MOMMY! WHAT'S THAT?!' as he pointed at him like he had the plague! I said, 'Caden! That is worker at Kroger.' Worker? A Worker? What does that mean? I had no idea what to say, I froze and 'worker' came out of my mouth as I tried to refrain from giving my son a grammar lesson on Who vs. What when talking about someone! Never mind the fact that Caden pointed at him so close he could have picked the guy's nose! Sheesh...

4. Caden (as do some boys I've heard) has often times had an 'issue' with playing with his private parts (in private). It drives Tim and me CRAZY! I have asked Caden's Dr. what to do about it and she says to not go crazy on him that it is just a phase he will outgrow. So Tim and I just tell him to get his hand out, that's not what we do. One day when Tim walked in and saw Caden doing this he said, 'Caden! Stop playing with your junk!' Tim only said 'Junk' once. Well shortly thereafter, I saw Caden doing this and I said, 'Caden! What are you doing?' He replied, 'Playing with my Junk!' Wow, that word totally stuck!

5. Again back to potty humor, last night was Caden's first night to sleep in his big boy underwear. He wears them during the day, but had been sleeping in a pull-up at night. He has woken up dry for over a week so we decided last night he could forgo the pull-up. He woke up dry again this morning and we were so happy for him that he stayed dry in his big boy Mater from Cars underwear GiGi got for him. I asked him to go potty and he said, 'No, I eat my muffins.' My sister and I had a conversation about how Caden doesn't like to go potty first thing in the morning and my sister's son did not as a young toddler either. They have to sort of 'wake up' and then they go later. This morning I kept walking in Caden's playroom asking him if he needed to go potty and reminding him to go. He said, 'I eat my muffin, then go potty.' The final walk-through I discovered Caden still seated at his little table but this time with a puddle the size of Lake Conroe under him on the floor! I said, 'Caden! What did you do?' Caden said, 'I tee tee in my underwear and on the floor.' As if to say, 'What does it look like I did?' I said, 'Caden that is bad! Dogs tee tee on the floor!' Caden said, 'No Mommy, dogs tee tee outside!' Touché my son...Touché.